cantstopwhatiscoming

2003-12-02T22:00:00.000Z

now at a visitor

2003-05-12T14:12:00.000Z

BLA been a long term since the last post so felt i'd better but something down!

The last few weeks have been very busy, lots of end of year assignments to put together done all that now, but i have two weeks to get my head together for exams.

Revising is terrible thing to be doing on such a wonderful summer day, but it has to be done. and while i'd rather use the first time i've had to sit in my new house to play on the net and spruce this baby up.. its not gonna happen.. well not till june.... later

2003-03-28T16:09:00.000Z

I had a stunning moment of clarity yesterday... after all the wobbles of this year I was still enjoying the uni and the work but yesterday I read a case that made me sure I was doing the right thing... The judges solotion to a tricky constitutional issue was outstanding ... I'm talking about it making me smile.. just the idea of the solution makes me smile.. now i'm not saying anyone one else would have the same reaction, in fact most people would find it mind numbingly dull. The only downside is this ruling was only by a high court judge, unfortunatly when the Court of Appeal or the House of Lords gets to review it, it may all change.. fingers crossed.

On a final note.. overlawyered.com is about the USA's over litigation and is useful to look at everytime I think litigation culture is growing out of control here, we in the UK have got a long way to go thank god!

2003-03-18T12:31:00.000Z

I'm actually enjoying staying with the boys the only down side is they are big stoners.... i've spent too much time a little mashed up .. but i guess its good it could have been alot worse a position I found myself in!!

I guess we are going to war then after months of half arsed diplomacy, the united nations days are perhaps few, that my be an over reaction but at the same time it was established at a time when the bi polar nature of the world meant it was needed.. but nowadays with the us being so dominant perhaps a new system of international co-operation needs to be developed.. or do we really need them any more at all! afterall we now have the good old U S of A to keep us safe from global strife!

2003-03-14T15:02:00.000Z

God I hate administrators... well not all over them but the ones who work for universties and local education authorities..

I'm still on the floor at a mates but we are all getting on OK so thats one worry gone for now... most of the places i've looked at so far have been awful and the one decent place i've seen is in a nicer part of town, making it miles for the train station... but more importantly is only available until septemeber, still it will give me more time to find another nice place.. and at at least i'd have some space to get it all back on track..

Its been a fun few months since christmas but this also goes to illustrate a negative point about my personality.... I only feel ok when things are at the roughest.. When everything is running smoothy I don't trust it. Now its choas with no cash no job and no house i feel like i have somthing to live for... if thats not crazy then please tell me what is!

Back to it

2003-03-10T15:18:00.000Z

Ok so things are nearly back on track... I have found a semi permenent place thats close to uni and the rest of my life.. I am not gonna let this little hiccup slow me down.. I need to get a job, then find a place to stay.. but things could be worse...

I've just got to put up with no bed or carpets or furniture and my stuff in boxes for the next couple of weeks.... wish me luck!

2003-03-08T13:22:00.000Z

God why is it that somtimes things just go from bad to worse.. I had stuff all dealt with and things were getting better.. doing well at uni, enjoying it, good mates stuff like that then all of a sudden life kicks you again!

To explain i've been living with my best mate kathryn for nearly six years now we went out for a while and weve always stayed close. She is in essence the only "family" I have. Well it would take a decade to fully explain whats been going on but here goes. seeing a bloke (T) she tells me I must get to know him I get to know him, and we get on really well, he's a solicitor i'm a law student so we had stuff in common and we liked the same music etc. Kat broke up with him after about a year the other day.. now i deliberatly took no sides but was perhaps slightly critical of the way Kathryn dealt with it.

I live with Kathryn she lets me stay here for free and I help her looking after the place now last night I went out on the piss and Tim came back togther with a bunch of other people, this morning she stormed in to my room and told me to leave the house, she's kicked me out thats it i'm on the streets now.. I don't know when my next post will be, I have no cash but I know a couple of people who can put me up for a while so I shouldn't be on the streets for the time being.. can I continue my degree well that is a diferent matter.

2003-03-04T21:49:00.000Z

its been another age since i've posted here... been very busy getting my life back on track studies and all.. the work has been hard but the more I get into it the more I enjoy it. On the downside i'm starting to think like a lawyer. Could be worse I suppose!

I've managed to get some work exp sorted out in Miami for the summer.. assuming I get a 2.1 for the first year. A little bit of presure but things could be worse at least I have a goal!!

Gotta get back to work...

2003-01-27T03:06:00.000Z

Over the past few days i've been mainly tidying my room, and it had taken me two days nearly. It is now in pristine showroom condition, the mugs dont even get time to gather dust at the moment either. I'm not sure how long it will last.. most probably within a week it will be back to chaos but hey ho!

Finished watching The Lost Prince on BBC1, Stephen Poliakoff's stuff is always good (well with a couple of exeptions in the early eighties) and this didn't disapoint. Then I went to the cinema with M to watch The Gangs of New York I wasn't sure about it when I agreed to go, but once I got into it I enjoyed it, a couple of really annoying continuity errors and that kind of stuff normally doesn't bother me so they were massive howlers! But I wont say cause it would give too much away really. I think one of the reasons I enjoyed the film is I knew nothing about it.. I hadn't seen a trailer, a interview or even a review. I didn't know anything and the film was able to surprise me because of it.

2003-01-24T05:18:00.000Z

I'm feeling more normal now.. but only just.. I've got to go to the GP and get some head messing pills. Worse than that however i'm not allowed to drink anymore, well not in any big fashion anyhow. Its not that i'm an alcoholic or anything but i was developing a dependency and its best to cut that kind of thing out straight away.

One good thing about going crazy ever so often is a good way of getting rid of people in your life that don't deserve much time. I'm normally a pretty good judge of character but recently i've let my guard down a little, and some people have got passed the net and progressed from casual mates to good friends. Its like my quality control has been off or some thing!

So i've been acting like an idiot in the past few months. I making up for it now, i've sorted my study area out i'll be back at uni next week and i'm going to treat it like a job now.. I know I might not keep it up but if I go in with the right objectives again who knows!

2003-01-20T21:43:00.000Z

ok I was starting to feel a little better until I got a text from a "friend" well quite a close one really saying i'd been bad mouthing her and she didn't want people like me in her life... now the thing is I havn't been saying anything. Its teenage nonsence but i want to know whats going on!

Oh well it seams my life is supposed to be freaky!

2003-01-19T00:14:00.000Z

Heres a little puzzle for you! you end up feeling low, ok low and slightly crazy so you decide its time to retire, to end it all.

You feel like a loser so you try to end it all... then you mess that up. So it doesn't work and now the only way you can prove to myself and the rest of the world i'm not a loser is to do the job properly .. itsn't that just crazy.. but then i think thats the point.

Then can I be crazy if I think I am?

I'll let you know

2003-01-15T23:27:00.000Z

Some times I feel like the only way I am noticed is if i'm not around. I'm torn between the idea of running away from I all. I feel like the only way I can engage any emotions with anyone is to die. The only thing that stops me is the idea that i'll miss things I hate missing things. Its been quite a good defense mechanism so far but more and more I want to miss things to hide from the world around me... so thats bad

2003-01-11T02:03:00.000Z

I've been posting here drunk way too often...

I've been so selfish... she has so much to deal with right now and i've only been placing more issues in her fire.. i'm not only a fool but i'm an idiot!

2003-01-09T18:35:00.000Z

God loves his children yeah...

So I've left it too long .... things have got too confusing and now I fear my chances are over... I always do it leave it too late.. spend my time listening to Radiohad and feeling sorry for myself instead of taking control of my life....

High up above aliens hover... making old movies for the folks back home....

So now I am left knowing that the thing that could have been good is not to be, this time its really over.. there is now comeback now. no time for remorse..... must keep pushing to the next goal... for that is what makes a life.... not who we have loved or lost... but what we have done.

Wake from you're sleep....

And we all know this is not true.... what we have done pales into non sense if we don't share it but hey I lost this one, plenty more fish in the sea yeah ...... plenty

Don't loose you're nerve...

And I know unfortunatly this is true without someone to share are goals and ambitions we are lost... what is the point of winning when no one see's you

We hope that you choke....

If one thing is true it is that we really cannot stop what is coming, we are pawns and will always be, the illusions of democracy will continue. Fucking up the very thing we need to survive this stand alone planet on the alter of the almighty £$
will continue we cant stop it. We can protest till we are blue in the face but we are still fucked... we just wasted our time trying!

we know where you are....

Its time for change we all need change... but noone has any clue what to do... the current anti-cap movement is beyond a joke you cannot change a system just by proposing its removal... (and don't get me started on noami klien) we need a new Marxs a new thinker to come up with a new solution the mixed market economy is failing... people are are treated like goods , maybe with a little less respect....

Angry yes i'm angry i've lived on this rock for 25 years and all I have to look forward too is another 50 yrs (if i'm lucky) of pain toil and targets... I cannot live within this system and my only other option is to join a monestary... and as I don't believe in a judo/cath/christian god thats tricky.....

If anyone knows a way to a more fulfilling life let me know ....... i'm begging you!

2003-01-06T21:08:00.000Z

Back to the hustle and bustle of university life... Today i've spent 2 hours in a lecture concerning the diminishing powers of nation states and the increasing power of the few mostly american multinational companies. After this I felt terribly rebelious and what I now accept as a stupid move I didn;t go to work .. in the week of my final assesment I didn't go in.. no call nothing.. and I feel really bad, for skipping work at a job i hate... what is wrong with me that was no rebelious act i just couldn't be bothered to take another day of there crap. I guess I always have had the need to rebel agaisnt things... I just need to work out how to rebel... hopefully as i'm studying law i'll find a good way to rebel or meet someone who has a good way and join them. I can always hope in the mean time I just have to work out a way of hiding and trying not to stand out too much.. off to starbucks then...

ps i'm no grammer / spelling snob (read the above to check that fact) but this ad in todays paper made me chuckle "carpet of cuts for sale at low low prices" I don't know about you but it dosn't appeal to me too much

2003-01-06T01:12:00.000Z

I am a very tired man... spent all day working on assigments and stuff... apart from a large breakfast out and the occasional phone call... the worst bit is all I have to show for it is 3500 words that still need a damn good proof! o well only another 10,000 words to go by the 12th of febuary and I can start on revision.

I've decided to leave the my job and try and coast until the summer hopfully I can pick up a hardship grant or somthing but working 19 hours a week with another 19 ish of lecures and reading means i'm pretty much burning that candle at both ends and a little bit in the middle.

I have though managed to line up some good summer work experience, I have a couple of good contacts at some good firms here and a pending offer to work in miami for a media/criminal firm for a couple of months, of course subject to visa and getting the right grades.

sleep.....

2003-01-04T21:38:00.000Z

I'm waiting for food to be delivered... chinese mmm.

I hate it when people dominate my thoughts, I mean in that kind of every second of every day type thing.. Its happening alot recently. I really think i'm in love but I think its somthing that would/should never happen. The worst bit is I didn't start all this, she did but then we don't seam to know what to do... somtimes I get the impression she's playing mind games but thats only when I havn't seen her for a while. When I spend time with her it all seams OK maybe its my own lack of self confidence either way I have to deal with it and soon before I go crazy.

2003-01-03T22:48:00.000Z

Ok my new years resolution last year was not to make any new years resolutions. It was nice and easy to stick to but now i'm starting to wobble a little bit so i've come up with a third way type solution. I am going to make a list of ten things that are wrong in my life. You see this way I can acknowledge the faults without making any commitment to doing anything about them, and at the same time feel like i'm doing somthing for the new year!

1. (not really in order but a little I guess) My job, I hate working part time in a call center, but I also hate working in pubs/bars, shops and any position that puts me in the face of the public...

2. My love life... ok i've been seeing a few people but no one i've actually really loved or anyting... and for the first time in years i've met somone that I actually like (maybe even love) but its terribly complicated thats a shame.

3. My room / house its a dump i'm not very good at keeping things in order... I go round to see my mates and they all seam to have either minimist stylish pads that could grace the cover of any style magazine or funky bohemian places... mine is a strange combination that ends up looking more like I fashioned it on the sets of steptoe and son.

4. Spelling ( see above for details ) I do well on the theory stuff and (without blowing my own trumpet) am very good at the advocacy/debate type stuff, I just wish my assigments didn't need a team of proof readers and 20 rewrites...

5. Health / Weight... I've put a couple of pounds on... along with the rest of the world it seams! Oh and i've got tooth ache!

6. I watch to much TV...

7. errrrrrr well thats about it... sad isn't it.

2003-01-01T22:57:00.000Z

After a three month break i'm back to blog again can't say i'll be posting daily just when I feel the need... I enjoy doing this thing but found it hard when people were reading it all the time because I felt obliged to entertain or whatever... this time I am going to be selfish.

Most of the guys at uni are still pricks.. but then they are only 17/18 so what can I expect.. I am however lucky to have met someone who I click with. She's just about as screwed up as me, but without me getting all soppy theres a little bit of a love thing going on.. just not sure how much of a thing at the moment, we are really best mates and she is 1000 times better than I deserve so I would never have done anything if she didn't make the move... its a crazy world for sure!

Still working for centrica.. but I feel that may be coming to an end soon... i'm just not good enough at selling things to every person that comes through to me complaining about the poor service they recieved on the product they were talked into last time they rang...

I've just watched "billy elliot" and it made me cry... but I'm reading stupid white men and thats making me laugh so its ok... well actually its making me cry but out of fustration at the way the whole world is getting slowly messed up.. john o'farrell's global village idiot is however making me smile and laugh outloud.

2002-10-17T18:39:00.000Z

My social life is a little strange at the moment I go from getting loads of calls at the same time to no-one wanting to play at all. I wonder if they are all working together to confuse me. Unlikely as they all come from places and most of them havn't met each other.

Jeffrey Archer has again been moved to a low security resort. Despite breaking numerous prison rules that would have landed you're average pleb with a restriction of prison earnings or even increased time "inside". Lord Archer of Trashy novels really is too easy a target. But he's also to good an example of a great failing of the British legal and HM Prison service.

If you are of the right background you are less likely to be found guilty or ruled against, and even if that does happen, if you are important enough you'll be OK

2002-10-16T00:21:00.000Z

I've just watched "black hawk down" it was ok. It seamed to be pretty realistic , apart from some of the dialog, although I'm not really qualified to comment as i've never been in such a situation.

Uni is ok, well in terms of the work. Still finding it a little hard to settle in but I guess that kind of comes with being a mature students.

I've currently writing a critical assesment of the labour governments reform of the house of lords, Unusually for an assignment its interesting. may even post it to make up for the normal crap on here!

2002-10-12T00:04:00.000Z

I hate finding boxes. Well not boxes as such but boxes of memories I recently found such a box from my days in York and I don't mind saying it made me shed a tear a tear or two. A tear for the freinds i'd lost, the times we could have had and all that.

I miss what I had I regret the reasons I came here... but now i'm here my life goes on, sombody once said having regrets was a bad thing and generally I agree with them.

But i miss my old life.. warts and all.

2002-10-10T19:06:00.000Z

Been a while since i've posted. I've had very little of the down time I need to post. I get ideas of stuff to do while i'm walking around but by the time I get home they are gone.

I'm really working quite hard at the moment. At the same time i'm managing to have a great deal of fun. the other day I got some free tickets to see kid galahad they were stunning, its a long time since i've seen anything really good at Barfly and these guys were worth wading through tons of crap to find. They've really got me back into live music.

2002-10-02T21:40:00.000Z

University life is settling down, lectures and the like I am glad I moved. I do look around and regret that I am doing it now at the grand old age of twentyfive. Don't get me wrong there are pro's to studying at this point but I do miss the life style that my "maturity" caps. living in halls would have been fun for a few months.

Only ten years ago my only aim in life was to have a magazine subscription, actually it was to have a home I would be living in for long enough to keep it going for a whole year. My parents ceased to be around from when I was about 13-14 through different reasons but it left me alone and passed from relative to family friend and brief periods of local authority "care". All this provided me, by the time I was 16 and living on my own, with very humble ambitions. Now only a few years later i'm on the road to doing what I always wanted to do.

Anyway thats just emptying my head for another day!

2002-09-30T19:44:00.000Z

Uni was ok the new course looks good and i've already bumped into a couple of people I kinda know so thats was as they say nice.

Sky one have been annoying me a fair bit recently, but this has really got me. Sky announced a while back that they were going to rerun the original series of the west wing good news all round.. then I find out today the they've been showing it since early sept at 1.50am... what kind of time is that for such a high quality drama. I could understand if it was because a repeat but most of its schedule is filled with repeats.

2002-09-30T06:09:00.000Z

Nature conspires against me once again. In the week I start back at uni and start doing my part-time job for real, as apposed to training, I come down with a case of the flu....

I can beat this, I can beat this, I CAN beat this....

2002-09-29T09:37:00.000Z

Last night we ended up seeing The Guru it wouln't have been my first choice but it was funny in a working title kind of way.

I'm just about to set off for a top greasy spoon breakfast with some mates then i've got to get my stuff together for enrolment tommorow..

2002-09-28T11:14:00.000Z

Its been a busy couple of days. I have reached the end of my training in my new part time job. All the new recruits had to sit an exam. the pass mark was 80%, out of ten three passed and one of them was me! Good job really because if you fail after the re-sit you get the sack.

I'm going out with M tonight, I havn't seen her for ages as she's been working away. Going to catch a film, and i'm trying to decide what film to see now... the listings look a little thin right now though.

2002-09-25T19:26:00.000Z

I think this is the only the second time since I started my new blog that I am not drunk when making a post, i'm sure once I get back to uni and start using my brain a few more of them will start making sense!

So Prince charles is annoyed about the potential ban on fox hunting, he's so annoyed that he feels the need to get involved on a political level by writing letters to cabinet ministers. In one of these letters its reported he said he would leave the country if fox hunting was banned. I'm not that bothered about fox hunting really, I really should be more interested but I can see so many more important things that need to be done!

So I say ban fox hunting and while we are at it we can get rid of an Prince and future king that thinks he has any place in the governing of a democratic nation. I'm not a republican I just think the Royal family , even the ruling monarch , should stick to opening things and waving!

2002-09-24T23:18:00.000Z

In the sky the birds are pulling rain,
in your life a curse has got a name,
makes you lie awake all through the night that's why.

She's intoxicated by herself,
everyday she's seen with someone else,
and every night she kisses someone new never you.

You're waiting in the shadows for a chance
because you believe at heart, that if you can,
show to her what love is all about she'll change.
She'll talk to you with no one else around,
but only if you're able to entertain her,
the moment conversation stops she's gone again.

"toxic girl" Kings Of Convenience

I need to stop hanging out with these types... really

2002-09-23T06:54:00.000Z

I really hate the local news round these parts.

If all you watched news wise was these lovley little bullitins you'd be left thinking the only place anything happens is south wales. I guess its the same everywhere. Todays story about an earthquake really got me the first few times I saw the piece the quake was described as the biggest in the uk or such like. It was also presented in a style that suggested wales was the only place in the uk that had been affected, there was no mention of the epicenter in Birmingham... well until the later editions.

The quake did not disrupt my sleep. (it would have been too cheap to do the rhyme)

2002-09-22T21:43:00.000Z

Went to a decent house warming last night. That was nice.

I've held off buying a PS2 so far mainly because I don't play the PS1 I own enough, but I had a go on wipeout fusion while I was at a mates and I was so disapointed. It was just a step down in my opinion from wipeout 3, It seamed slower and not quite so smooth. The worst bit was the wipeout series has always looked great, always a little distincive this version just looked all wrong. I'm not sure why they dropped the designers republic for the graphics work but for whatever reason a little bit of the wipeout appeal has been lost.

I think i'm getting old.

2002-09-21T17:02:00.000Z

Lets drive this guy insane he's hooked up the majority of his house to his site. You can turn on and off lights, sprinklers and computer equipment even choose what music you want him to listen to. The object is, as the title suggests, to drive Paul Mathis insane.

2002-09-21T12:54:00.000Z

There are some interesting people hanging around the Internet, alot are completely gaga. The author of five takes the whole thing to a new and previously unimaginable level. He seams to think the media is covertly monitoring us through our TV's and radios he explains the evidence of this in extreme detail and has so far sent nearly 25,000 faxes to parliament the media and the like. My first reaction was to assume it was all just a bad joke but the amount of work he has but into it gets me thinking!

Still drinking too much and meeting lots of pretty decent people, but I've got to get my head into gear soon... otherwise my brain will really struggle to think. Currently I either spend my time drunk, hung over or too tired to do anything!

2002-09-19T23:04:00.000Z

I really like this time of year, my mates are back and there are loads of new bars to investigate. We went to a couple and they were all very simlar, chilled music, beech furniture and over priced beer... its not that I don't like either chilled music or beech furniture I really do its nice I just don't want to pay £3 a pint.. not in Cardiff

Less spam on hotmail Hotmail puts squeeze on spam
anyone fancy a bet....

2002-09-18T18:04:00.000Z

I've made it through the day but only just.. on Tuesday night I went out for a quick beer with a mate from work.. got in at 2am back up at 6 and the day starts over.. but only a couple more weeks of working this many hours!

While I was having my lunch I came across this article High coffee prices leave bitter taste in mouths of impoverished farmers and it on an instinctive level seams wrong that while the price of the product we consume is rising the raw material costs continue to fall. Farmers are working incredibly hard for poverty wages. I know my economics teacher would have told me thats just the way the world works but I guess that's why i'm not really that impressed by modern economic theory.

Also had a curry from this place last night Rafi's spice box and it was stunning and such a clever idea... it didn't take long to make and tasted like it cost twice as much!

I'm really tired, so i'm going to sleep!

2002-09-18T06:44:00.000Z

i'm hungover, trying to fight the will to get back into bed.... m u s t g o t o work!

2002-09-16T19:11:00.000Z

I forgot how much fun working can be! I don't know why but my new job, although a little more complex then some of my previous student jobs, is a good laugh... good people thats the key to it all. Although I know how hard it can be to put together a good team, I guess thats why most of the time people don't bother too much about it.

I've just seen a documentary on C5 or as it is now known "five" it was actually quite good... not cheap American tripe or soft core porn. I was shocked when "five" won terrestrial broadcaster of the year recently, maybe I should give it another chance, C5 seams to be growing up at the same time as the ITV network really dumbs down.

2002-09-15T12:33:00.000Z

Last night I went out for a quick pint and ended up staying out till 6am.. But then its house warming season right now.. all my student mates have new houses and all my none student friends seam to have sympathy parties. Either way its a fun month or so before the real work starts.

I've been searching for a way to rate my grief at major disasters and such like for some time.. this search has come to an end with the brains trust - griefometer® the unit of measure is great but I won't spoil it!

Before I go and sleep for the rest of Sunday I want to say thanks to stuart and simon for being decent chaps and all that. The only thing I currently have from my old blog is the guestbook

2002-09-14T15:11:00.000Z

I blogged some time ago.. and it was fun, now i'm back and i'm gonna blog some more.

I was gonna start by going on about everything thats been going on but I decided against that.. mainly because my fingers are tired of all this typing.

I'm sorting out stuff like comments and a guestbook as I speak.. but for the time being its just my little words sitting here alone!